dark

i feel like vomiting with rage and anger.
This is what iraq does to you. i love every damn second, but at the same time you see so many things that eventually will drive you out of your head with annoyance. todays topic being the indecisiveness of us as a population/generation. or should i say my indecisiveness, instead of 'us'.

For the past few days i could have not got any more bored, but life suddenly smashed back from its journey and brought shouting laughter and late nights. now i'm just too damn tired.

my eyes feel like lead from excess tv or pc games or playstation, and now i am actually looking forward to talking and chatting with family and friends, whereas before my main aim was fun. all i can tell you is i've been around here and there, and i didnt find it nice. family and friends are more fun, and most important, because they make 'hell into heaven'. although at the same time their constant comments drive me up the wall, embarrass me and reduce me to tears, but we all face the same thing?

there's clubs, and someone kindly described them for me, although at first i was sure it was a lie,since said person had neevr left the comfort of their home-said person played it safe. there's the family cafe, where families laugh and have fun. there's the depressed guys club, where they all scowl and argue with each other, there's the dancing clubs where guys drool over girls who clearly had no choice, there's the smoke cafe, where they are all high on hookah, and theres the normal cafe full of guys eating swapping jokes and spilling their guts over girls.

i was lucky enough to see every type at least twice, and i have to admit, i have more of a life here in a week than i did over there in a year, but i suspect its maybe to do with the climate.

i feel dizzy, and nauseous, and the problem lies in the fact that i know exactly the cause.
when did life become so shittingly problematic? i want back to the childhood where it was simpler, brighter and generally i did not think or ponder.

here's to confusion, nostalgia and crazy.