dark

i feel like vomiting with rage and anger.
This is what iraq does to you. i love every damn second, but at the same time you see so many things that eventually will drive you out of your head with annoyance. todays topic being the indecisiveness of us as a population/generation. or should i say my indecisiveness, instead of 'us'.

For the past few days i could have not got any more bored, but life suddenly smashed back from its journey and brought shouting laughter and late nights. now i'm just too damn tired.

my eyes feel like lead from excess tv or pc games or playstation, and now i am actually looking forward to talking and chatting with family and friends, whereas before my main aim was fun. all i can tell you is i've been around here and there, and i didnt find it nice. family and friends are more fun, and most important, because they make 'hell into heaven'. although at the same time their constant comments drive me up the wall, embarrass me and reduce me to tears, but we all face the same thing?

there's clubs, and someone kindly described them for me, although at first i was sure it was a lie,since said person had neevr left the comfort of their home-said person played it safe. there's the family cafe, where families laugh and have fun. there's the depressed guys club, where they all scowl and argue with each other, there's the dancing clubs where guys drool over girls who clearly had no choice, there's the smoke cafe, where they are all high on hookah, and theres the normal cafe full of guys eating swapping jokes and spilling their guts over girls.

i was lucky enough to see every type at least twice, and i have to admit, i have more of a life here in a week than i did over there in a year, but i suspect its maybe to do with the climate.

i feel dizzy, and nauseous, and the problem lies in the fact that i know exactly the cause.
when did life become so shittingly problematic? i want back to the childhood where it was simpler, brighter and generally i did not think or ponder.

here's to confusion, nostalgia and crazy.

dead.

i feel un-euphoric.
i'm at friends house on the pc while he's answering about a million phone calls from family members.
There's been multiple explosions and the victims were people. Real living smiling crying people. I'm speechless. I just have no idea what to say or do.

street wise

holy shizzle i just saw a kurdish shop keeper in Baghdad.

We had a nice conversation, and for once everyone around me was the one asking me for translation. Not to seem smug or anything.
He seemed pissed off at kurdish nationilists, and although i'll be the first to admit that kurds are nationalist, i myself lie in the group that is clearly marked 'does not give a flying fuck'.

And so i am mhmd. Doesn't really make any difference to me, as iraq is iraq, but to everyone else, the difference is large.

well, actually the difference is large between lifestyles. Kurdish girls are completely different to iraqi arab girls, and kurdish and iraqi guys think in exactly the same way, but act differently.
kurdish guys flirt, wink and generally hit on every girl, whereas the other iraqi guys tend to be a lot more picky, and always use the whole moody approach to picking girls up.

Now, onto the girls.Most kurdish girls want to be spoiled, and as a rule are generally bad with kids. Iraqi arab girls are generally broody to a point, where it scares many guys away.
So mhmd, which ones are better to date/marry? Well, kurdish girls are best to date, unless they have psycho male relatives (suprisingly common), and iraqi arab girls are best to marry as they're far too traditional and/or have too low self esteem to date anyone other than the guy thats engaged to them, or will marry them.
Luckily for me, i have a choice of both, but right now i'm leaning more towards the arab girls- a kurdish girl once hailed down a torrent of snide remarks because i didint get her a bunch of flowers (i never have even seen her before!), and in the uk, the kurdish girls i met were ultra obsessed with looks and make up, that i really could never compete with their mirrors.

iraqi girls are generally okay until you meet one of those honey wouldnt melt types, whose way of speaking reminds me of a ten year old. Unfortunatly that accounts for 80% of them, although i am being persuaded that the only reason they are like this is because in almost every country where iraqis are present, the iraqi females outnumber the iraqi males.

Nice, i can start a harem.

In the wise words of bugs bunny- thats all folks.

modesty police

suprisingly i'm still in baghdad. we met up with our family friends, and my friend who i have known for like forever is a different guy.
at first i couldn't get used to house hopping-that is jumping from one house to a next as family, friends and general people we knew invited us into their house
the hours are spent going to my friends house and playing xbox, you'd be suprised that despite the electricity shortages and the annoying start/stop of the generators, people still manage to find ways to spend 3 hours on an xbox.baghdad is apparently the more liberal part of iraq, but yesterday we were walking and a bunch of police proved this wrong.when i say we, me my best friend and his younger sis (touta) were out walking to get her some books or shoes or something.
this prick stops us and asks us where we are going, so my friend answers, then just before we are let through, five more of these pricks block our path, look us all up and down, and ask what relation we are to touta. i mean what the fuck, seriously. My friend (her bro) looks on in shock, i don't know how to reply.
in the end, touta spends half an hour talking to them about her human rights to walk with anyone she wants, and the pricks choking on laughter let us through. when her bro translated what she said, i couldn't help laughing too, but thats for her to tell unless i get some good offers to dish the dirt ;)
at night here everything is open, which is very convenient if you realise you've forgotten something you need at 2am. the best places are things like cafes but not quite cafes which stay open with loud music and occasional guy bursting into dance.

weird

right, i remember nothing about iraq, have been raised abroad and only know how to speak a little arabic. I thought it would all end in disaster, but really turns out money speaks for you. i feel a bit outdated here, as everyone has the newest technology, and society is not normal here.

i can't look at any girl in the eye. otherwise she gives me a disgusted you pervert look, i have to hang around either depressed 20 somethings or men who argue over something or the other, which i really couldn't care less about. thats without mentioning relatives who insist on intruding into every aspect of life.
these three weeks are going to be fun.

apparently i shouldn't wear hoodies any more. really it was getting to hot for that. as well, i am thinking of taking up smoking just to fit into the general crowd. baghdad shops keep up till 1am, and some posher cafes have dancers and keep up till later. i don't think my dad's gonna take me though, so i suppose i'm going to have to form a close friendship with male relatives.

Touchdown

Have arrived in Baghdad. not really sure what to do now. Old ladies pinch me, and men hit me hard on the back sending me spiralling forward.

It stinks. everywhere. at least everything is a lot cheaper though. cant wait to see baghdad night life.